we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
