Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
