You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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