ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
