I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I love you. Go after that dick
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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