it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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