I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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