Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
