He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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