He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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