you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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