I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
