The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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