You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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