And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
