So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
