We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
