Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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