Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
