Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
