listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
