I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
