My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
