I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
