but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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