so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
