i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
