But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
