Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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