Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We talked him into tasing himself.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
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