It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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