Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
