My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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