the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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