I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
the night ended with taco bell and tears
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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