u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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