Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
