That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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