life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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