the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize