I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
