Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
