btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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