Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
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