I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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