It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
