Is it because I queefed?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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