clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
