why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
