The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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