okay pat passed out under dana's car
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
