I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
