After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
