talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
