that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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