Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
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