I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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