According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
