They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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