the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
