Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Randomize
